It’s not surprising immediately after starting this blog and really getting serious about writing this book, the enemy has paid me a visit. It was a visit I had expected but hadn’t looked forward to.
I sent off an article I had written for a teen ministry to get proofed from a trusted friend. I asked for real feedback and wasn’t looking to hear it sounded great if it didn’t. Thankfully, I received some really great guidance. This person had made suggestions for some of my more lacking sections and had given me brilliant advice in how to “show” rather than just “tell” the reader my message.
As I started to compare my writing against her suggestions, my heart sank. Here is a woman who doesn’t feel the call to write, yet her words and ideas were brimming with imagery, passion and voice. Immediately the enemy saw an opportunity to taunt, and taunt he did—of course, right at my most tender part, the thought that I really don’t have what it takes. I sat in front of my computer almost in tears. God, you've called me to this, yet I can’t do it! What am I thinking, wanting to write a book and be published? Surely I am totally off track.
As I ran (literally) to the source of my Hope, I got on my knees and asked God to renew my mind. What did He have to say about my feelings of inadequacy? As I searched through the Scriptures, I found His heart on the matter in the book of Zechariah. The Lord said, “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit” (Zech. 4:6). That’s it! If He’s called me to write, it isn’t dependent upon me! It is the Holy Spirit’s work in my heart that the writing will flow.
I DON’T have what it takes in my own strength, but I believe with all of my heart that as God’s fingers points the way, His hand most surely will clear the path. He will provide each and every word that I pen. This book won’t be written by trying harder or wishing it to be, rather it will be an act of God through a willing daughter of the King.
Right then and there I recommitted to making this process not about me, my fears or inadequacies (because they’re there!) but about being obedient to a call, trusting my LORD to meet my needs, and finding joy in the process, no matter the outcome.
The next time the enemy comes to taunt, I've got Zechariah 4:6 posted right above my computer as a reminder that this battle belongs to the Lord and my strength is found in Him!
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I actually spent some time with Zecharaiah 4 this weekend, too. Good stuff! Just remember that God often shows up in our weaknesses, so that the glory is all His. You are in a better place relying completely on Him than thinking this is something you can do. (Now, if I could just embrace that for myself.)
ReplyDeleteI look forward to following your journey! Laura
Thank you for sharing your heart, Gretchen. I'm so amazed and humbled reading your journey. What came to mind too is that your friend was empowered by the Spirit with those words to help you. Just finished studying 1 Corinthians 12 in my small group. (1 Cor. 12:4-7: Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.) He designed us to need one another, I was reminded.
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